I spent this past Mothers Day with my family. It was an extra special occasion, because my brother was in town from LA. It was the first time we had been together as a family since Christmas break- when I had broken up with my boyfriend. The topic came up in our discussion- about how my ex had ruined our Christmas and about how I was doing much better. My brother teased me about the fact that now he could say my ex’s name without setting me off into sobbing.
I realized again that my family is amazingly supportive and I wouldn’t be the person who I am today without them.
5 months out of my breakup, I am finally more accepting and understanding that my relationship was unhealthy, I’m better off without my ex, and I’m glad that I ended it when I did. But during Christmas break, I was a mess. The day I broke up with him, I spent literally the entire day crying. I didn’t know it was possible for the human body to produce that much saltwater in such a short time. For the whole Christmas break, little things would change me from a mostly functioning person to a blubbering mess. When I saw the jeans my mom had bought him from the store on the floor for example. They were surreptitiously moved out of sight after this had happened twice.
I live 35 minutes drive from my parents’ house. I didn’t need to stay there through the several weeks of break- I could have spent time at my house. It certainly would have improved everyone else’s mood! But they never asked it of me. They supported me and they never gave up on me.
Usually, Christmas break at our house is an incredibly festive occasion. We have a fully decorated 13-foot tree, bake Christmas cookies, play Christmas music, watch Christmas movies… you get the idea! This Christmas morning, I told my family that I wanted to be at my house when my ex picked up his stuff so we could have a talk. I told them I thought we could work things out. They sat me down and we spent an hour or two talking. There were many voices raised and tears shed (not only by me!) as they convinced me I should finally cease all contact with him. That conversation was one of the things that gave me the strength to actually cease all contact. That conversation made me stop believing that we could make things work and that he could change.
As many do after a breakup, I spent a lot of time wishing I could change what happened. I felt lonely. I felt like one huge, important thing was missing from my life: a relationship partner. I spent so long feeling frustrated and lonely and hopeless about that, I didn’t realize what I already had (and still have.)
I have an incredible family who always supports me and never gives up on me. A family who believes in supporting, loving, and helping each other always and no matter what. A family who has made sacrifices to make my life better. I wish I had spent more time after my breakup thinking about what I had instead of what I had lost. But it’s not too late for me- and it’s not too late for you. Be grateful for the people who are in your life. Focus on what you have and who you love. Love the people who love and support you and don’t waste your time chasing after the ones who don’t.