Don’t Judge a Relationship on the Size of the Ring

As most of you know, I got engaged several months ago. I was beyond delighted by the experience, prospect of spending the rest of life with Michael, and the ring (photo below in case you haven’t seen it yet!)


I’m not sure how you couldn’t know this about me, but my favorite color is purple. So the giant purple stone in the middle absolutely thrilled me. Most people I know had really lovely comments to say about it- how unique it is, and how much it suits me. How Michael did a great job picking it out (he did- I had even told him I wanted something unique- I didn’t need giant diamonds.)

But not everyone has been as supportive. At a wedding of one of Michael’s friends and my family function, more than one person commented that I should get him to buy me something bigger or get him to buy me a real ring or to make sure the wedding band was bigger.

I recently read a disturbing article about how a jewelry store employee trash talked a couple because of the price on an engagement ring they bought.

Until people made these comments, it never even occurred to me that I should want anything else. This is the ring Michael picked out for me. It is beautiful, it is unique, it is me. don’t want anything else. But it sure would be nice if the rest of the world could get over it.

See, why do we judge people’s relationships on the size of their diamonds? My friends, diamonds are a marketing ploy. They actually are inexpensive and have only started meaning weddings and “forever” in the last century (clearly forever is not that long yet). Marketers know their game. As a social psychologist, I, too, know that once an idea has taken root in society, it’s hard to pull it up.

If you, yourself want a giant diamond ring regardless- that’s okay. I’m not judging you. But I really would like to ask the same of you.

Don’t judge me, don’t judge my partner, don’t judge our relationship on the size of my ring.

Not buying a diamond doesn’t mean your partner isn’t rich enough or doesn’t love you enough to get you one. Sometimes it just means that’s not what you want.

Or if your partner doesn’t have the money for a diamond- that’s okay too. It’s not about the diamonds.

Love takes different shapes and sizes, why can’t our rings?

Why can’t we respect people for the choices they make? Why can’t we care more about the quality of the person than the size of the ring?

I love my fiance with all my breath and all my heart. I love that I’ll be spending the rest of my life with him and I love the ring he gave me as a symbol of that.

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